You know something’s wrong
when everything you say
is a lie to your friends
assuring them you’re ok

when everything that’s going on
adds to what never went away
and everything that went away
manages to come on back

when lying to friends is daily routine
just adds to all of that
when everything that you say
ends up breaking a friendship

and all the actions you take
kill the relationships you have
your friends don’t understand
what’s going on inside your head

When all they do is try and fail
to relate themselves to your pain
but can they ever step out of their sun
and stand inside your pouring rain

When the girl of your dreams
goes back on the promises she made

When the girl you gave everything
throws your heart away

When you find the knife in your back
and your blood spills on the floor

You’re thrown out in the cold
alone, with nothing left

As you wander endlessly
never finding what you want

As you wander endlessly
never finding what you need

Time goes on
and your cuts become scars

At last you find
what you sought so desperately

Someone who is more
than a friend will ever be

Someone who mends your broken heart
and relieves all your pain

The girl of your dreams
your one and only

But she feels differently
and breaks the heart she mended

All the pain comes back
as you wander endlessly

Never finding what you want
Never finding what you need

First:

I lost everything that mattered to me
the day you said yes
I lost the one thing I loved
the day you said goodbye



Second:

If I said I’d take my life tonight
would you be there to put up a fight
to try and help me live another day
or would the ultimate price I pay?

As my heart of ice returns
I’ve never felt this cold before

As you laugh and walk away
I’ve never felt this pain before

As my mind bars me from sleep
I’ve never felt this tired before

Song:
I see the rain falling down in the street
Time moves on and rain turns to sleet
Keeps coming down and your heart beat changes
You turn my way and fate rearranges

Is it okay I miss when you’re here?
The one to destroy my fears
The one who left me drowning in tears
without you the end is near

It is such a horrible thing
Just look at what it’s done
It’s ruined me
It’s ruined us

Our gazes catch nonchalantly
As we pass through the hall
We talk like friends
through stone walls

The communication seems distant
But the pain is so close
Like a dagger in my heart
This is what It exposed

When it was over
I was sure
Everything had ended
Life no longer pure

It killed everything
My life, my heart
My body, my soul
But never my feelings for you.

I don’t know why It chose me
I can’t see how It could hurt you
I don’t understand what we did wrong
Nor do I know why I care

Never again will you confide in me
Never again my trust you will seek
She ruined me for everyone
Above all of them you

All I want to do
is be a shoulder to cry on
an ear to listen
and a voice to banish your fears

I’d give it all
mind, body and soul
to be the one to help
You, you my friends

Everyone would tell me everything
and I’d help without second thought
I’d be there for them
whatever need be

She changed everything
the way I look at life
instead of level-headed
now I’m barely hanging on

I look below me
there, jagged rocks lay
upon them are the pieces
of what life used to be

Found a lot of my older poems which I thought were forever lost.  They’re not all complete, but I am gonna throw them in the Queue and they will pop up randomly.  There are quite a few.

They are almost all depressing and totally sketch.  I was a pathetic 8th grader. No worries now, though.

I know you feel betrayed

but the last few days I’ve prayed

that your demons will be slain

and gone will be the pain.

My lungs squeezing tight

these feelings just aren’t right

my feelings can’t be seen or heard

so now I’m giving you my words.

A Frenzied Awakening

                As a toddler I spent my nights in a normal crib, with jail cell like, white wooden bars.  The side closest to my door would fall out of the way so I could escape once I knew the trick.  The wall opposite me had a mural, painted by a family friend, depicting Big Bird, Elmo, and the Cookie Monster, walking along a winding sidewalk.  Later the walls would be covered by blues and greys, but normally, the bright greens of the grass helped me wake up.

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tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

So, I was like two.  I woke up in a stupor, crawled out of my crib thing and walked out into the hallway.  I looked towards my parent’s bedroom and said, in my tired, 2-year-old voice, “Mommy…?  Daddy..? Where are you..?” and then I ran back into my room and fell asleep.

God’s tears stain the windows,
the pain I feel
must translate,
on an ethereal level.

The roar of his voice
bends trees over backwards,
just as my wrath shatters bones
and breaks hearts.